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Thursday, October 1, 2009

"It's better outside, Mom!"

I really tried today to focus on not complaining, but this was just not my day. Corban stayed home from school with symptoms of slight food poisoning. Both he and Landice woke up within 10 minutes of each other at 3:30AM barfing. Which led to Joshua and I sitting in the bathroom each holding a kid. Thank goodness Hayden wasn't sick.

Kids wake up fine. Get ready to go to school and Corban stays home with me for the day. Went to Wal-Mart for tummy medicine, Cars Chicken noodle soup, & "spicy drink" or Sprite. Before we get home I pull over for Corban to barf in an alley to an establishment. Get home. Watch two movies and he feels right as rain.

Pick kids up from school. Come home and go for a bike ride around the block. Send kids to go play in the backyard so I can a)keep the house clean and b) finish getting ready for Kristy's shower. At about 4:30 pm I hear Corban yell, "Mom, Hayden has my poop!"

What?!?!

Rush outside to find Corban with his pants around his knees. Only a stupid question can escape my lips when in a situation like this. So I go ahead and ask, "Why did you poop outside?" His reply is "It's better outside, Mom!"

Landice is squealing "Don't touch that Hayden!" as I come around to find a pile of poo...well, half of a pile of poo. Corban was correct in saying, "Hayden has my poop!" Hayden had a chunk of it in his hand. The another chunk had been smeared all over his clothes and the plastic play-set. Quite literally a poo crime scene. The remains had already attracted the horse flies from the horse ranch up the road. As I am assessing the situation, trying to figure out what to do with a poo covered 13 month old, the poo covered 13 month old steps in it. With both shoes!!! I might add this is the only pair I can squeeze his little feet into!

I look at Landice and she is freaking out about getting transfer poo on her arm from the playset. I strip Corban's shoes and pants off. I yank Hayden's clothes off and set them down by the waterhose. I leave the crime scene to retrieve the all-powerful bleach and a towel. I did not bother with gloves as I wanted to rot the skin off of my hands. I clean Hayden up with the waterhose as the pre-poo wash. Relocate the playset and douse with bleach. While I am scrubbing the wind picks up and blows over my bleach. Really not my day!

As I am finishing, I look up to see Hayden on the riding lawn mower and Corban running away. I run over there and find Hayden covered in a pile of dirt that was removed from Joshua's fig tree burial. Hayden quite adorably leans out like a little John Deere himself and quotes me some gibberish that I am sure was something along the lines of, "Hey, Mom, this is really cool and I know you are going to take me off of here, but I really want to stay, so leave me alone." I manage to ignore his adorable-ness only after catching a whiff of the little stinker. I grab him up and take him straight into the house for the Heavy Duty Wash down in my clean tub! I distinctly remember thinking, "Seriously, why do I try?!" But, a quitter I'm not. I give him a good scrub and towel dry. I really think I should get paid at least $5 for that bath, especially if that is what the Boomerang gets around here. I leave clean Hayden in the house to go outside and pick up the remaining poo with a Target bag. I didn't even do this when we had two dogs!

I throw away Hayden's clothes and spray off his shoes. Turn my back for one second and the little stinker is back outside. Alright, I had had enough! I marched all three of those little "ankle biters" upstairs to be held captive by the playroom while I cleaned up the rest of the mess. Except the lawn mower, sorry Babe! Joshua calls me at 5:05pm and asks, "How's your day going?" I relay all the forementioned and he says, "I think it's safe to say, you've had a pretty crappy day!" And we laugh about it.

5 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh my....these are things I am not looking forward to as my kid grows up...

Wa Wa Waughs said...

I would have to agree....that really stinks! LOL But today is a new day!

Kayla said...

Speachless. At least your college jeans are too big, right?!

Anna said...

Your stories always make me laugh (and give me some comfort, I might add) only because I know too well what you are talking about! :) Hope you are having a better day today!

Jake said...

Corban is ready for poop wars!