Wow! I thought I would never say that.
When you go into parenting, you are throw into the fire and you do the best you can to surround yourself with a support system and resources to keep your hiney from getting too singed. Seriously, there are so many things about raising kid's that can get you down or frustrate you to no end. With our situation of having our kid's so close together things have been intense, shall we say, for a while. Looking back some of that intensity could have been lessened if I wasn't trying to do so much. Gradually over time I have, by nature of our life changing so much, had to cut out some stuff. Some of that stuff can be some REALLY great stuff, like getting together with friends, going to all the church functions, hitting up all of our kid's friends parties and such. But, nonetheless, the removal of extra stuff has helped simplify our lives. It has given us the freedom to relax when there is nothing on our plates without having guilt. If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would have to disappoint people by telling them we can't make it to their event, I would have laughed because I am an effort person.
Effort person or not, you reach your limit on what you can do, give, or achieve in 24 hours a day/7 days a week. So, this is me. A change in the making. Admitting that I have once been in that place that I expected what I thought others expected of me. I am happy that I am changing. I am glad to have freedom to do what we can, when we can and not feel obligated or expected out of guilt. Part of why I am this way is that I don't like to back out of things. I like to be dependable. I also know that I wish I had learned this sooner.
I like being busy and productive, but I also like being at home more than not. I like feeling like our house is a place to enjoy instead of a place to clean and stop in for a shower and food every once in a while. Last night I was working on the family calendars (that I have color coordinated for each person). It is SO colorFUL!!! I loved that I could just click on an event and click "cut this event" to open up more family time. It was so freeing.
I don't say all of this lightly as if other people's stuff isn't important. I am more clarifying the fact that we can't do it all and that's okay.
The second thing that has been on my mind is...well, I seem to have forgotten...oh, wait...it just came back to me. The second thing is that it is nice to choose to be involved in our kid's lives. Joshua and I have been enjoying coaching Corban's soccer team. We talk strategy on what they can learn at this age, how to run practice, how to keep the kid's attention at this age, how to address different learning styles and personalities in each boy on our team. The BEST part of it is that we both realize that this is something that we can do and it has brought us closer in our marriage too. God blessed us with the common love for this sport. Our love for it is transforming into one that we can teach and pass down to our kid's if they choose to play it long term and to other kid's.
Sometimes in life it is hard to recognize things that we CAN do for others and to be willing to make that sacrifice. I am thankful for those things that are made very clear and are easy to decide to do. It makes life a little more enjoyable using our talents for good.